A Big Catch Up!

Where to start?  Our new family members have been home now for almost seven months, and they are doing beautifully.  Each of them seems to be settling in - although there are always issues - and becoming members of their new family.  I could not be more proud of John C. (15) and Ana (8).  They have been immeasurably gracious.  Truthfully, if my parents had done to me what John and I have done to them, I would have run away from home at least ten times by now.

Ruslan, Ana, Oksana, and Max are finishing the year at Trinity Montessori which turns out to have been a wonderful choice (TBTG!).  Ruslan and Ana will be doing standardized testing to figure out educational placements for next year.

John C. is finishing the ninth grade at First Baptist Church School which may or may not have been a good choice.  He will be attending a new school new year.  His comment, “It’s so little, Mom.”  John C. could easily be characterized as a raving extravert, we all think he would be happier in a bigger fish pond.  He is making the full range of grading possibilities.  John continues to be involved in the Cathedral EYC  and probably will be participating in a domestic mission project this summer.  He is a great guy and seems to be enjoying learning about being a big brother to two younger guys.

re's John C. being a big brother to his new sister.

Ruslan continues to amaze me with his thirst for learning and resiliency.  I can honestly say (have I said it before?) that if I were picked up and dropped suddenly into the middle of his former world in Ukraine that I would not be functioning nearly as well as he is. For instance, we live in a neighborhood with a number of older neighbors, and he has discovered that he can earn money by raking the live oak leaves and debris that seem to fall interminably this time of year.   Free enterprise is well and alive!  His English is coming along well.  The two younger kids seem to have lost most of their Ukrainian, but Rus is holding on well to his.  I am thankful.

Here are Ruslan and John.  They are putting the finishing touches on the new back door.  What an improvement!

 

 

Ana is turning into such a beauty.  We celebrated her eighth birthday in February and she is becoming a big girl right before our eyes. 

 

She and Oksana share a room which has both good points and bad.   I am trying to be sympathetic to Ana’s need for her own friends and space, and at the same time, to respond in a good way to Oksana’s need to be with her sister and best friend.  It is hard to learn how to be friends in a whole new culture.  So many parents of children adopted from orphanages have noted the need to teach their children how to be friends with others.  I think her anxiety to be accepted makes her both whiney and controlling – not a great combination for trying to make new friends.  We are working on how to enter into play groups – “Stop, Look, and Listen”.  Reminds me of lessons we got (and still give) about streets and train crossings.  Perhaps this is just one of life’s most basic lessons.  I hope that they will grow up to be good friends as well as sisters.

 With five kids it’s hard for everyone to have their own room.  Living in a six bedroom house doesn’t seem like a very attractive proposition.  Perhaps Sarah Susanka has it right.  She’s the architect of the “Not so Big” approach and an advocate for having nooks and spaces where people of all ages can get privacy.  At the same time, she mixes in open spaces.  I like her designs a lot!

When my folks were building their present domicile, four of my five sibs were still at home.  My mother improvised an ingenious solution for my two brothers.  The fourth bedroom of the house was about 20 X 20.  She put a bookshelf wall about eight feet from one end and created two small but decent-sized bedrooms for each of my brothers.  The small common space outside of the wall had  bookshelves, double closets, a door to the bathroom, and a door to the hall.  Each of the rooms had a space for a single or bunk bed,  chest of drawers, built-in desk and bookshelves.  Years later, after they had left home for their adult homes, she removed the wall and now has a very nice guestroom and home office combination.  Uh oh!  I feel home improvement coming on!

Briefly, with regard to the other kids.  Max is quite a guy and loves to read.  His evening is not complete until he and I have a rocking and reading time.  All of my kids love reading, but, so far, he seems to be the most passionate about it.  That rocking and reading time surely is good for attachment and bonding.  In fact, I like it so well; I’m rocking just about anybody who will rock with me. <Grin>  I’ve even coaxed my big boy (now 5’10”) into our new big-sized rocker-recliner.  The chair is not exactly the loveliest piece of furniture ever created, but, boy, does it rock well. 

Here is Max the Builder!

 

Of our three new kids, Oksana seems to be the one who is attaching most easily.  She’s pretty high energy, but it’s hard to know whether she seems overly so because she’s hyperactive, or if it’s that I am an “older” parent.  She seems to have at least one spell a day of feeling rejected, “nobody wants to play with me”, etc.  I’ve been using the time to model how to take care of yourself when you feel sad ,and there’s nothing you can do about it at the time.  We have been doing home manicures, cooking, and working in the yard.  All of these help me feel better.  I hope she will learn some of these things too.  They are so much better than some of the other “feel-good” choices out in the world today.

 

 

 

Other news:  May 15th will be my last Sunday at the church I serve as rector.   I am thankful for the seven years with this church family as I have learned so much.  And I am especially thankful that we did not, like so many clergy and congregations, have to have a fight to agree to part.  So, I am now  hoping for the summer off to play with the kids (and do some work on English), for time to work on my writing,  and actively considering other church possibilities. The right one, I fully trust, will come along at the right time.  When people ask me where I am going next, I say, “To my next call.”  They usually respond, “And, where is that?”  My response is, “I don’t know yet, but God does.”

 

One other factor that has not been in play for quite some time is that John is now eligible for full retirement from the college where he teaches.  He has thirty years into our state retirement system.  There is something about this that I find just a little nauseating <grin> since he is only 52 yrs of age.  I guess that’s what happens when one gets career focus early on, unlike *some* of us who had to wander a bit to find our calling.  He will have time, God willing, to have a whole new career if he wants it, or he can stay home, keep the kids and “eat bon-bons” as he likes to put it.  Just wait, John!

 

I am really looking forward to the 15th and to having some of the summer with my kids.  Also, I think we are going to do a little intensive English home-schooling for our new kids.

 

That is all the news for now.  We have some uncertainty in our lives, but also a tremendous amount of joy. And, that is just fine for now.

 

God bless you all,

 

Jennie